Just saw New moon.

I just got back a few hours ago from seeing the movie I have been waiting most of this year to see. (New moon) And when my mom and I pulled up in the car There was a big line. So of course I'm thinking oh this will be fun. *sarcasm* So anyhow as we went in the theater there it was crowded and I hate crowds and started doubting it was a good idea for coming at that time. But nothing I could do about it then. So as we head in the theater where the screen is a lot of seats were taken. So for like 5 minutes my mom and I were looking up and down the aisles. And it made me feel like I was in high school again. Where you feel out of place and you feel like no one wants to sit by you. So finally we found seats and waited for the movie to start. Which wasn't too bad of an experience. There was some teeny boppers who wouldn't shut up and would giggle. But other people would sush them or tell them to SHUT UP! which god bless them. lol Because I don't like conflict and I didn't want to be the one to yell out and attract attention to myself.

So now about the movie itself Now I did enjoy it and I was impressed with some scenes but...I didn't like how things were cut out of the book. And how some scenes seemed to be rushed. I tried not to campare the movie to the book so much but I couldn't help think That didn't happen. Or think why they cut some scenes down. For example there was a scene in the start of the film were its bellas birthday and shes at the cullens where they are throwing her a party. The whole jasper and edward fight scene was a bit of a let down. Not a huge one but I thought there would be more of a tense standoff/struggle between them like in the book. So anyway the rest ofthe film seemed to stay close to the book even though something was still missing but I enjoyed it neverless. And on a shallow note I was suprised to see how cute one of the pack members was. I normally don't go for built muscle kind of guys but DAMN! This guy was just freaking hot. And he is the same age as me so I don't feel bad for lusting for a younger guy. Another thing to look forward to next summer when Eclipse comes out and we get to see some more shirtless Alex aka paul. lol

Alex Smoking merez

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getting New moon tickets

Last night I looked online for showtimes at my closest theater and found out they were sold out for thier midnight showing. So when I seen that, I kinda freaked out thinking I was gonna have trouble getting a ticket to see it. Because I waited most of this year to see it and the thought of not being able to kind of put me in a panic. So I wrote them a email asking if there other showtimes were sold out. They wrote back telling me they were close to being sold out but still had tickets I could buy ahead of time if I came to the theater. So My mom took me about 2 hours ago and bought 2 tickets for only 5 dollars each. Which is a pretty good deal for that late a showing. (7pm) Now Its safe to do my happy dance because I GOT TICKETS AND I'M EXCITED! But I think to be extra safe I'm going to by tickets for eclipse further ahead of time to make sure I get to see it around the release date.

Good week so far.

About 2 weeks ago my old laptop started to flunk out on me by not booting up to the windows. So I tried to restore it. And it did seem to help but the damn thing kept restarting itself. So I have not idea what else is causing that. So finally after awhile yesterday my mom suprised me and bought me a new laptop as a early christmas present. So far I'm very happy with it and really love how smooth and fast it boots up. I also love the look and feel of it. I like how the keys are spaced apart more and I can type better without so many typos from hitting the wrong keys. And when I make my own home made dvds it does it in less than half the time it took for my last one. I still would like to see if the other one can get fixed because its a shame it just let it sit. If and when it does get fixed and works right again. I told my mom she could have it. Because I don't need 2 laptops.

Paranormal activity

Tonight my mom and I went to go see paranormal activity. Which I expected it to be better than I thought it was going to be. First off it seemed to drag and just was boring to me. I knew after 20 mintutes my mom wasn't impressed because she started dozing off and on. So as the film went on I kept hoping it would be better. Be more scary and live up to the hype. But meh it just didn't for me. And it made me wish I seen saw 6. I admit there was a few parts here and there that made me jump and was creepy. But other than that It wasn't worth the 6 bucks a ticket. Heres to hoping 2012 will be better.

What the hell?

I am pissed at my one online friend. it started a couple of nights ago where I gave him a code to a program "I payed for" and wanted to share because thats what friends do right? Well.....He never thanked me. I mean I don't expect him to be grateful but I expected something more than the response he gave me. So that ticked me off to start of then...Later that night I ask him a question I probably asked him before. His response was what I found was rude. So I just blew him off and didn't want to talk to him after that. And we didn't talk today again either. I mean know I'm not perfect but I feel I can be nicer to him than he is to me. I try to spare his feelings most of the time. Where he on the other hand what I feel doesnt. Another flaw I don't like about him is that if I forget about something we talked about. And If I ask him the same question more than once. He acts likes its a huge crime. So it just makes me feel stupid and makes me not want to have anything to do with him. Sometimes it ever makes me question why I talk to him in the first place. This has been something I have been holding in for awhile know. I don't like having a friend that makes me feel crappy. Sometimes I feel he can walk over my feelings and not blink an eye. but He has no problem pointing out my short commings. Such as everytime I make a small error in spelling he doesn't seem to hestiate to point it out about each time. Where with me I let it slide unless I try to dish it out to him to make a point. But for the most part I try not to nit pick on his spelling mistakes. I don't know maybe I'm being overly senstive but maybe then again not.

Last night was a weird one. Earlier my brother and his family dropped by for halloween so I could see my nephew dressed up. Which he was winnie the pooh and looked cute. Anyhow the strange part was when he first came over I didn't know it was him right away. Because It was dark and I was looking through the peekhole of my door. wondering who all these people where. Which of course could be 2 things. Since I live in an apartment building. So At first since It was halloween I thought it could have been trick or treaters waiting to knock on the door. Then after another moment of watching the unkown peps at my door. I realized it was my other brother. So as soon as I seen him. I opened the door and sure enough it was him and his family. So as I go on the porch to talk to him and see whats up. I notice theres this guy standing next to my brothers step son. So at first. I assumed they knew this guy. Then after a few more mintutes I invited my brother and them in. As I did this the strange man started to come in with them. And I asked my brother out right. Do you know "him"? and he tells me no. So I found it more weird that this strange guy who no one knows is trying to come in my apartment like he knows US. So finally we made it clear he was NOT invited and asked who was he looking for. Turns out he was looking for the man who lives above us in an upstairs apartment. And he did seem a little wasted or maybe just weird. Anyhow that was pretty strange and maybe since it was Halloween that explains the weirdness of it all. lol

Pictures of My sister Laura

Laura and me when I was little....

thanksgiving 2008

Laura and me in 1989

Thanksgiving 2006

Laura and me at halloween 2004

Missing my sister....

Its only been almost 2 weeks since my sister has passed away and 1 week since her funeral. But I am missing my sister everyday. I know as time goes on I will keep thinking about her and will miss her more. Her memory is still fresh in my mind and I'm afraid over time her memory to me will fade. And I won't remember as clearly as I have in my 24 years of living. I keep thinking of the last things I said to her in our last conversations. The last things we did together before she got sick this year. It seems like yesterday when we last went to the show. And when she was over last. So much reminds me of her like certain tv shows, songs on the radio and all of that. Today My mom and myself went to her apartment to go through her things to see what we wanted. And it felt weird going through her personal stuff because it still doesnt seem real. I keep expecting her to be coming home anytime and go "WHY ARE YOU GOING THROUGH MY STUFF?" lol But it makes me sad now I have certain things of hers that makes it more real that shes gone. Like I have this neckless of hers that she always wore and never took off. It makes me feel alittle closer to her having it. And then they are the gifts I gave her from past christmas's and birthdays. Or just stuff random things I gave to her just because I wanted to for no special reason. It makes me feel good that some of those things I gave her she kept and never gave away even though she didn't use or even have use for some of the things I gave her. I think she was easy to please and the simple things meant something to her. Like when I was 7 I gave her a small shell I found when I went to florida with her. She always wore that shell on her neckless from then on because I know it was a sentimental thing to her. Because she wore for over 15 years and never took it off the chain. So now I have it, its special to me and something I want to hold on to and think of her. I just really miss her and I feel sad when I think of her being gone. I loved her and she loved me and no one can take that away. Or no one else could tell me different. I'm the only person who knows how I feel. I'm gonna miss her laugh, her smile, her love, her attitude. I will miss making her laugh and laughing with her. But I really hope someday I will see her again. I mentioned this in my last post about me not being religous. But I always believed when someone dies there spirt goes somewhere. And that is where I like to think she is. Somewhere safe and more happy.

About my sister

Yesterday morning my sister laura passed away from brain cancer. Its been hard trying to deal with it. I have a mix of emotions from sad, angry, shock, denial. Just to name a few.
My sister laura has always been my one sibling that I always had a close relationship with the one I loved more than anything even though I didn't show it. But deep down I did love my sister and cared a great deal about her. It's just weird to talk about her in the past tense. I still can't accept that shes gone and never coming over to my house again. I still half expect her to be coming over knocking on my front door. And we will just talk and watch tv like we used to. I remember when she first got sick this year. Back in febuary I was there when they told her she has tumors in the brain. Of course it felt like a punch in the stomach. This is the 3rd time she had cancer. And every other time shes had it. Its been curable, But not this time. Over the last 5 months shes been up and down. For awhile she was getting better and she did go home from the hospital for a short time. Then slowly over time she went downhill again. it hurt to see her suffer and watch her cry. Watch her tell me how much she was afraid of dying. Spending hours by visiting with her for months though the better and worse times. And I still thought she was going to get better that she would slowly but surely get over this. I keep thinking about all the times we shared about the silly things we laughed and talked about. How she drove me crazy but I still loved her regardless. It still hasn't sucken in that shes really gone. I just can't really accept it. I can't believe she won't be here to hang out. To go to the movies with to talk online with. To do the things we used to do. I don't know how to face it I don't know how to deal with this. Because I never lost anyone close to me and it hasn't been easy so far. I know it will have to get worse before it gets better. Her funeral is this week and I dread it for many reasons. The main being that this will be final once I see her lying there in her coffin. I already miss her a lot. And I feel a pain in my chest. I just want my sister back I wish things were the same. I know what I'm saying has been said before by other people who lost thier loved ones. But its not fair that she was taken from us. Its not fair that shes not going to live to an old age. If I ever get married and have a family of my own. She will never see them and they will never know her. The thought makes me very sad, and it hurts. I have other siblings but we were never that close. With my other "sister" that hates me for what reason I still don't know and really don't care. And my 2 brothers who don't say much to me. The one person that I considered my only sister is gone. The one I would do almost anything she asked me to do. And I did the best I could for her when she was sick. I still feel guilty I still feel like there was more I could have or should have done. I wish I told her I loved her more often. Where ever she is I hope she knows how much I loved her. And I want her to know how much I will miss her the rest of my life and how I won't stop thinking about her. I hope shes in a better place now I hope shes happy and not in pain anymore. I hope shes not alone and if she did "cross" over*even though I'm not very religous* But I do hope shes with other loved ones that passed. And that shes fine and will be. And I hope when I die that I will see her again. That if I die before my mom I want her to be the first person that greets me into that next life.

God saw you were getting tired and a cure was not to be,
So He put his arms around you and whispered "Come with me."
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer and saw you fade away;
Although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, loving arms were put to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best.

Yesterday evening I had a couple telemarketers call me. And I was not in the mood because of whats been going on. So I get this one arsehole who called and caught me at the wrong time. And In short I told him to go kindly "fuck himself" and hung up. Well wouldnt you know the douche bag called back! And told me to go "fuck myself". I was beyond pissed and I really wanted to hurt him. I mean I know telemarketers are trying to make a living. But Come on? there must be a REAL job that they can work at and earn a more "honest" living. I'm sick to death of them calling me at odd hours and some call every SINGLE freaking day! I'm getting to the point where I will just cuss them out. I'm sick of being nice and simply hanging up. If I'm in a foul mood I will let them know it. And for the time being I'm not sorry.

When people stare

Today when I was going in the gas station to pump gas I noticed in the next car across from us there was this women. Just sitting there staring at me like I was some freak or something. My first reaction is usually what the hell are you staring at? Or I get the urge to give them to stare at by giving them the middle finger. Or something that is pretty clever my friend told me. If I have my phone with me I could just snap a picture of them and post it online lol. I could never understand why people gawk at you like your not human. I mean really is there nothing better to do? For me its really annoying and seriously pisses me off sometimes. Whatever!

Why I like the twilight books

People are always bashing Stephenie meyers writting. And I know people are entitled to thier opinions but damn! I wish people weren't so harsh. And let me first start by saying I enjoy her books I know they are not "profound" or have the best writting style. But I enjoy reading them because they are meant for entertainment. Nothing to be taken too seriously.

A lot of people bash her because shes no Steven king. I know that and so does everyone else. But I tried reading a steven king book and I just couldn't follow it or when I could it got so boring for me that I just stopped reading. But with the twilight books they are easy to follow and a breeze to read. And for others her books are addicting because you always want to know more about the characters. And want to know whats going to happen next. To me her books are nice fluff reading that doesn't require thinking. And alot of the people that debate why they don't like the twilight books. They do bring up good points about the charaters flaws. For starters Bella is usually whiney and selfish and then Edward is too "perfect" and too "Beautiful". Some people see Edwards actions as controling and borderline Abusive. Which I see where they are coming from. And people wonder why people are so in love with the character Edward. First off hes thoughtful, selfless, romantic, gentle, devoted, loving, all those things that makes a girl swoon. Hes an image of what alot of women want. And there is nothing wrong with that. But he does have flaws and he isnt as perfect as bella sees him. But thats what makes the books worth reading because of how each of them have thier down falls. Which makes it relateable to an extent. But the point I'm trying to make is just enjoy the books for what they are. And try not to

analyze too much.

Crushes of the present and past

I have a new crush on this actor named Aaron Stanford. He has been in movies called the hills have eyes, xmen, the cake eaters and so fourth. It was not an instant attraction because I have seen the xmen movies before and haven't really noticed him before. I admit I had a small thing for Hugh jackman. And that was my reason for watching the xmen movies at first. BUT! upon rewatching the xmen movies I did begin to notice Aaron as Pyro. And I just couldn't get him out of my head. I even had dreams about him because I have been thinking about him so much. lol But today I have thinking about all the celebs I have had crushes on in the past.







Starting with William ragsdale being the very first one I remember as a child. I first seen him in the movie Fright night. And really didn't pay attention. Then when he had his own short lived show on fox called hermans head. I noticed. I rarely remember watching it while it was on the air because it was when I was about 5 or 6. But for some reason the title of this show stuck out in my mind. And I used to sometimes watch it because of him.






Then.....After him I had a huge crush on Jim carrey. Yeah I said it! lol I remember being about 9 or 10 and watching the movie called The Mask. And it happend I fell in love. Puppy love. It was infatuation at first sight.





I remember thinking how much I luuved him. Yes luv not loved. And I remember thinking I wanted to marry him and daydream, write in my diary about him and all that jazz. After awhile like many crushes before him fizzed out and I moved on.


















































Then for some reason I can't remember why or how I started having a thing for David Duchovny from Xfiles.




Then with this one I was obsessed for a short time.




I bought magazines with him in it. Bought some of the vhs tapes of Xfiles. I also used to tape Xfiles from fox as well as the reruns to I can watch over and over. This crush I have fond memories of because my best friend used to tease me all the time. Saying how she could picture me in a music video of Xfiles and me dancing with a doll of him. Singing "I love xfiles" with the Xfiles theme playing in the backround.




I gotta love my friend. She would always make me laugh at her silly nonsense. So when this crush fizzled out. I then moved on.........To BSB that is.




Unlike the ones above I mentioned I do remember when and how I started liking a certain bsb member. He name is Kevin richardson





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So in may of 1999 I was watching some special on mtv. That had the backstreet boys hosting. So I was watching and again I fell in love when seeing Kevin. This one was an OBESSION I mean I went over board for awhile. I used to hunt for magazines with anything that remotely mentioned him or backstreet boys. I used to watch TRL just to watch there videos. I used to collect everything and anything. From tshirts, posters, clock, watch, button pin, pens, cds, concert vhs tapes, and more I'm forgeting to mention. But you get the picture. My walls in my room had thier posters everywhere. I would always daydream of kevin and did everything any young teenager does when they think they "love" someone. Looking back this will always be my fondest memory from my teenage years. The most fun I had while I was in this craze.


To tell you the truth I still am a Bsb fan. I still listen to thier music once in a while and when in the mood will watch a music video of thiers. Ahh the memories. Sometimes when I listen to a certain song of thiers It brings me back to when I was 14. good times. *wipes tear* lol So movinng on.


This is were I talk about Johnny depp

It all started back when my sister brought over a dvd. A movie called secret window. Well again I fell in love after seeing his performance of Mort rainy.

And from there I bought all the movies I could get my hands on. Went on ebay and bought a bit of merchandise. My same Obession patterns.

I still like him but I don't follow every thing he does like I used to.



Then a few months ago I started having a thing for robert pattionson. From the movie twilight based on stephenie meyers book. But this time I didn't go crazy. I still find him attractive and would "Shag" him if I had the chance.
Which reminds me that this not may be a big deal for some people. But Hes 23. Almost a year younger than myself. I usually don't go for younger guys but its not like I would ever meet him let alone date him. So no harm no foul?

And on a side note I guess I am fickle in a sense seeing how I have different people I like. But whatever floats my boat right?

Borders book store Twilight midnight release party

I went to boarders book store to get the twilight dvd when it came out at midnight.

I thought it was going to be fun and be more exciting than it actually was I thought wrong!

There was abunch a teenagers there mostly which I was aware of since the book was geared toward younger girls but I thought they would have more exciting games where you could win prizes and stuff. Nope

they did have some triva games and a scavenger hunt but I didn't even bother. I was just there

for the dvd and nothing else. So I just pretty much browsed for awhile until midnight.

But when it was midnight people lined up and there was a good amount of people I say atleast 100 and as I was moving up in the line I was afraid there were going to say "were all out".

And I would have been pissed for coming out waisting my time all the more.

Because if I would have known that it wasn't nothing special I would have just came after 11 rather than 10 pm. But not much I can do now the good thing is I got my copy went home and watched it and went to sleep.

So I say all in all it wasn't worth staying in the store for 2 hours for a dvd. But atleast I can say I been to a release party.

And btw the features on the dvd are nice and I am happy that I got a copy but next time when a dvd comes out I will stick to going the next morning to the store rather than wait around like a idiot. lol

Nicks lack of dvds

The golden age of nickeloden in the 1990s was a time when I grew up watching these tv shows you see above.

All those shows brings back memories for me as a kid and it sucks that nickeloden doesn't put them all out on dvd. A while back they were putting one or two seasons of a show then stop. And they forget or don't care to put the rest out. Its BULLSHIT!

They put all kinds of crap on dvd but with old classics they put on the back burner. Its not fair.

I know some shows have dvd releases or some are half asses where they put them out but don't put the rest of series out on dvd. I know its all about the money but geeze they can market these dvds better and I'm sure they will sell if only they give a chance.